This internet thing is nice and all, but when are we going to be able to take physical possessions and store them in the cloud? It’s a new day! There’s VR, and 8K televisions, and high-definition streaming, and everyone has a camera in their pockets. You’d think with that being the case, someone would have caught a snapshot of that mystery vigilante in the cloak and mask, but I guess life is more fun with a bit of mystery. Can’t have ALL the secrets laid out for the internet to ruin with endless discussion.
Still, there’s the problem of all these steel beams. I bought them a couple of years ago, back when there was that vague buzz about a meteor hitting Melbourne. Steel beams were only the beginning, you know…I was going to get all sorts of materials and make myself a bunker. Maybe emerge and start selling canned goods to people who survived but didn’t think to stock up, and then I could be post-apocalypse rich!
Then the papers printed that retraction (‘Apocalyptic Meteor Actually Bit of Lint on Telescope Lens, Astronomists Reported Severely Embarrassed’) and now I’m just the chump with all the steel lintels in my back garden. I would’ve returned them to the steel fabrication place, but I sort of procrastinated getting a tarp and they’re kind of rusted. Yeah, I know…I never would’ve gotten that bunker up in time. Now I’m stuck with some very rusty, very heavy steel lintels and I’ve been putting off getting rid of them.
Guess I’ll just ask the steel suppliers. Melbourne has to have a lot of them still around, even if the apocalypse was averted by way of it never actually being real to begin with. Still think it’d be great if I could just upload all of them into the cloud. Boom, weightless and out of my life. And if rusty metal is ever required, well…I know a guy.
The guy is me.
-Russell