I never thought I’d miss my lowly quarters in the third-grade wizard barracks, but here we are. The only upgrade is that here, in this place, I get my own room. Previously I had to share a room with Flaherty, known as a wizard of little skill and much flatulence, so that is welcome. But otherwise? We have to PAY for heating here instead of conjuring flames ourselves. The walls have little insulation, not like our enchanted obsidian brickwork, and Briony refuses to wash the dishes because she is a slothful lout! I realise it’s only an online game, but still. Sheesh.
I suppose there are certain advantages, namely that the tools in this realm are quite effective even without added enchantments. Seems like every single session I come across something borderline mystical, like toolbox central locking. How does it lock remotely like that? Remotely and centrally, as the case may be? It will forever be a mystery, because I asked my fellow players and all they could say was ‘something to do with light and radio waves or something.’
They don’t know. And they have inhabited this realm for months! Truly, this is a place of mystery and wonder, and yet more mystery. Toolbox central locking, aluminium accessories of many types, and the ever-present conundrum that is the gas bottle holder. This contraption is for the holding of gas bottles, to be sure, but what sort of gas are we talking? Therein lies the twist in the tale. No doubt my old friend Flaherty could fill one with ease, but he has not been been booted off the game yet.
My fascination with the tools of the trade has perhaps kept me from going insane, for now. I think of under tray drawers when I see that Soren has not cleaned the toothpaste out of the sink, or when Catriona uses my SPECIAL shampoo that keeps the beard moist, silky and supple. Animals, all of them!