The Contemporary Solution

Sometimes the ancient ways are not the best ways. I’m just going to make that pronouncement now, for all to hear. I’m a traditionalist as much as the next guy, and I love me some tatami mats and rice paper walls, but sometimes you just have to throw up your old, withered hands and say “enough is enough.”

Let’s combine the old ways with the new, shall we? Kotatsu are wonderful if you want to stay in one place, but our clan headquarters are vast, and I’m old. I don’t want to walk down six freezing corridors to fetch my slippers when we could just do it how most people do in Sydney. Central ducted heating installers could, no doubt, do a wonderful job of making sure every part of the HQ is heated. We can then wipe their memories with our secret shinobi memory-erasing powder, and everybody wins. The heating company gets a mysterious payment in exchange for a few hours of their life missing, and we get some heating in the corridors, finally! Oh, and if it bothers some people, I’d be happy to ask about which heating services would be most appropriate for a dwelling with paper walls.

And no, I am NOT sacrificing the security of the family or the sanctity of the old ways for the sake of making my old self feel a bit more comfortable. I’ve faithfully served this family for eighty years, and I’m not about to start putting myself above everyone else. The fact that efficient heating services are something I’ll benefit from especially, and directly, is entirely a coincidence.

I’ll even do the research, busy though I am recording the annals of our daily lives. I’ll find the very best gas heating installers Sydney has ever known, and I’ll even do it using the shiny-screen search machine that all of the youngsters are using, because I keep up with the times.