Justified Bird Punishment

They say that birds sing to attract mates, but seriously, do they expect us to believe that? There’s a gajillion birds in the world, all singing at the same time; nothing would ever get done because of mass confusion.

No, the far more logical conclusion is that all bird cries, all over the world, are songs of mockery. “Ha ha, pathetic wingless cretins. We can fly, you can’t, you are peanut butter and jelly, so jelly, ha ha!” And they’re just so incredibly proud of their abilities that they never get tired of mocking us.

Then we make windows, they fly into them, and in my humble opinion, that’s payback. So I’m in two minds about office glass tinting specialists. Melbourne and its bird population deserve to be kept in check, for sure, but there’s no denying that a sleek tinted window is something anyone should be denied, ever, for any sort of reason. What a conundrum, eh? It’s a question for the ages indeed. Should we get all of our windows tinted, and have that sleek goodness, or leave them the way they are so that all birds everywhere can continue to get concussions because it’s what they deserve?

Kookaburras are the worst, I swear. Mainly because it sounds like they’re actually laughing, which is true, because they are laughing, but still.

I wonder if decorative window glass is a happy medium? Or glass window frosting. You don’t usually get a full frost job on the outside of a building…and that wouldn’t work anyway. Birds aren’t going to fly into what looks like a large sheet of glass. But if the windows were decorated, then maybe we could pull it off.  Imagine: the best decorative window film Melbourne has to offer, everywhere, just subtle enough to add style while making it so that the truly stupid birds still fly into it.

I mean, if you’ve been given the gift of flight but have that little spacial awareness, you kind of deserve a bonk on the head.